medicalized: the trauma of seeking treatment
MY connection to veterans
& DEADLY CONSEQUENCES OF FAILED TREATMENT
THE trauma of seeking treatment for ptsd(my veteran connection summary)
Even properly diagnosed with PTSD, often patients like myself with significant PTSD suffered and were often worse off than before treatment, because our current mental health system alienates and suppresses trauma instead of rehabilitating those with PTSD. (my experience was mainly with veterans – though I believe all mental illness is often rooted in trauma.)
This is my experience creating authentic bonds with VA members in battle together for 13 months seeking access to fair & effective treatment:
My treatment program was the ‘sister program’ to the VA in Yountville, as their on-campus program was very small and likewise under-resourced. I believe their program could hold 6-8 patients max, and all other veterans in need of an outpatient program came to my program.
I believe this also resonates with a juicy and controversial topic baited in a recent podcast interview:
‘Do you need to be a veteran to have ‘real PTSD?’…’
One of my closest friends from the VA Michael and I witnessed someone recklessly drive under a semi-truck one morning on the way to treatment – the event happened directly in front of us while we were stopped at a light; Michael, the taxi driver, and myself, witnessed 2 people die on impact.
So do you need to stand (or sit) beside a fellow veteran and watch someone lose their life to have ‘real PTSD?’ Witnessing two people lose their life traumatically not 20 feet away was an authentic ‘foxhole experience.’
If this provides the necessary validity for some, I don’t think our circumstances could have achieved a much closer experience to that of a bond formed in battle together. I know the veterans embraced me as their own, and ultimately that’s the only judgement I’m concerned with!
I was furious at my program for not being allowed to process my trauma in group or individually, while most everyone with PTSD was – but my family and I were not confident that I’d really be better off leaving the program completely.
My fellow friend and patient Michael became so fed up with our suppression and neglect from the staff that he jokingly fantasized about taking revenge on the program; staff had judged him harshly and he feared they’d kick him out.
2021: The morning of my interview, I received an alert which summarized the events unfolding: “Dozens of heavily armed law enforcement personnel converged early Tuesday on the Veterans Home of California in Yountville in response to a report of a possible active shooter, spurring a tense four-hour search and lockdown that lasted until an all-clear report just before noon” [though I was unaware of the all-clear outcome until after we concluded the interview]
This is an incredibly personal trigger for me: it was the 2018 deadly shooting attack (when a rogue patient claimed the lives of three staff members at the Yountville Mental and Behavioral Health campus) that was the ultimate catalyst for me finding the courage to leave my 13-month stay in treatment (the program where I was properly diagnosed with PTSD/dissociation.)
February 2018: My close VA comrade Michael was intentionally gaslit by another patient, and subsequently arrested, dehumanized, and shamed before being kicked out of treatment
March 2018: a disgruntled Yountville VA program participant seeks deadly revenge on his treatment staff, just as Michael had fantasized before being (wrongfully) terminated from our program, – just as my treatment staff had done, their program marginalized, and suppressed this patient…
continue to full story
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We are currently failing to meet epidemic levels of trauma, PTSD, and FND with access to safe and effective treatment options – BEFORE the surge of demand created as a result of the Covid-19 global pandemic.
it is now my life’s purpose to take the tools I’ve cultivated since leaving treatment on a mission to find solutions – let’s connect and combine forces so we may validate the efficacy of my healing modalities using veterans in clinical study – so we may create access to an abundance of opportunities to rewire trauma – reminding all those suffering in the present moment of the potential for health and wellbeing that awaits.
understanding trauma & fnd
[Simply put, if we use the analogy of our brain as a computer, while diseases like MS are a ‘hardware’ problem, FND is a ‘software’ problem – meaning there is a glitch in the the software code, which dictates the programming responsible for how the brain and body (nervous system) interact. It is various forms of traumatic experience that manifest physically, as a result of miscommunication between the fight/flight stress response center and the motor function center of the brain, as trauma ‘rewrites’ the original programming code with ‘glitches’, resulting in physical automatic responses to the brain’s overactive signaling, which are then compounded by a decreased ability to regulate these overactive areas once they are ‘triggered’ into communicating.]
FND was originally diagnosed by hypocrites using the term ‘hysteria’, and unfortunately this detrimental stigma continues to pervade the present day medical community. Far too frequently patients with FND have experiences that mirror Jessica’s: where the patient is left with the misperception there is no hope for answers, much less effective treatment, commonly traumatized as a result of systemic dismissal while seeking help, often resulting in additional medical complications.
Originally it was clinically believed this ‘hysteria’ diagnosis could only occur in women, but the medical community has since been forced to update the perception and definition of FND, as it has become rampant in the veteran community presenting in all genders as an emerging form of PTSD at epidemic levels.
